So you found out your having your first, second, third, or fourth boy! Congratulations! You are on your way to being an all boy mom! You are not alone out here I promise.
BEING AN ALL BOY MOM
I’m a mother of all boys too! Four to be exact. Seven, five, two and 8 months old.
When I first found out my oldest child was a boy, I panicked. I had no idea what to do with a boy! My first thought was I’m going to get peed on! My second thought was what the heck will I do with a teenage son?!? I’m still asking myself this.
By the time my second son came I was much more calm and happy, my two boys would have each other. Best friends forever! You know, when they aren’t sword fighting or chucking balls at each other’s heads.
Then the third son came. And then the fourth!
One thing l I learned quickly is how different they are. Like completely different. One can’t stand dirt on his hands, one can goes days with food stuck to his face! One is totally chill, others, less so. Some love cuddles, some can stand to cuddle for all of five seconds.
They are each their own person. What discipline or teaching method worked for one doesn’t work at all for another.
BEING AN ALL BOY MOM IS SOMETHING SPECIAL
Being a mom of all boys is something special. And because it’s something special you will get a lot of comments about it. Some are kind some are meant to be kind.
“Are you going to keep trying for that girl?”
This one actually doesn’t happen much anymore. Probably because people think four kids is a lot. They are not wrong….
“Wow you must have your hands full!”
“Wow you poor thing!”
“You are so lucky you don’t have to deal with emotional girls!”
Spoiler alert boys are very emotional…just not about the same things or show it in the same way. Boys show their emotions physically.
They are less about so and so doesn’t want to be my friend and more, if my brother doesn’t give me back my toy I’m going to attack with a war cry to wake the neighbors and the force of a land side. This is its own kind of parenting struggle.
“Don’t worry boys are much easier than girls when they are teenagers.”
“Your home must be crazy!”
They aren’t totally wrong here either…
If you haven’t heard one of these comments, just give it time. I personally don’t’ mind all the comments. I take those amazed looks and long glances as just another testament to how special being a mom of all these boys is, I highly recommend this mind set.
I’ve also learned the trick to responding to these comments. I used to respond with something like “oh ya, it’s crazy!” Or basically just agree with whatever comment a stranger made with a smile and move on.
Now I smile wide and say
“We love it!”
“I’m so blessed!”
“They are the best!”
“We love having all boys!”
I want people to know what I really believe about my family of four sons. It is amazing, I wouldn’t change it for a minute. I wouldn’t trade them for a second.
Your family is all yours and no one else’s. Be proud Mama, be proud! Leave that person in the checkout line or restaurant feeling happy for you not sorry for you.
EVERY BOY MOM’S SECRET
Now there is something important only another all-boy-mom will understand. Yes, we still want a girl. Does that make us love our boys any less? No. But we know that having all boys means we won’t be taking them shopping for a wedding dress. There are things we will miss out on.
You will get a slew of comments from well-meaning friends and family trying to talk down what it is like to have a daughter. Insert any recent conversation on the subject here! You know exactly what I’m talking about.
If you are not a mom of all boys please understand. We don’t believe a word you say about how much worse it is to have a girl than a boy. We know you love that daughter and wouldn’t trade her for the world, just like we wouldn’t trade our sons!
Don’t try to down play having girls or dismiss our feelings. Just be present and don’t stop talking to us about your daughters!
DEALING WITH THE DISAPPOINTMENT
What I have to say to you all-boy-moms next is probably the most important thing. It’s okay to mourn the fact that you don’t have a girl.
It is healthy to mourn, if we don’t let ourselves mourn not having a daughter because we think it’s wrong, we can’t move past it.
I want to make this perfectly clear, you are not mourning the sons you have, you are mourning the daughter you don’t have. Do you see the distinction?
We wanted four kids. I found out I was pregnant with our fourth boy. That was my last chance. I would not get the daughter I still want.
I took two whole days to cry it out. To come to an acceptance. Did those tears mean I hated the beautiful baby boy I was carrying inside me? Of course not!
Here and there those feelings prick at my heart as friends and family have daughters, or I simply pass a cute, little girl’s dress at the store. When those moments come I let myself feel a little sad then I move on with my joyful all-boy-mom-life!
I hope we have grown together here. I hope you come away with new resilience, knowing you aren’t alone!
Please share your insights on this subject! Heaven knows I could still learn a thing or two.