Have you ever heard the phrase supermom? Ever been called supermom? Chances are you have or you will. I have nothing against the phrase. But often it’s implications and repercussions are not positive.
WHY I DON’T WANT TO BE A SUPER MOM
My husband would call me supermom. I would call friends supermom. It’s a sweet term of endearment coming from a place of love and gratitude. But, as I began to think more and more about being a supermom I quickly realized I don’t want to be a supermom.
Being supermom implies I always know what I’m doing, I don’t need help so I should never ask for help.
In every comic book the superheros have a super power. They can do more than mere mortals. They can do the impossible. Achieve the unbelievable. All by themselves.
This is an unreal expectation to put on ourselves. Yet society, friends, family and worst of all we, put this expectation on us. We’ve set ourselves up to fail.
The truth is I can’t do it all! I need help! You need help! When we label ourselves or someone else as a supermom we are putting up a sign saying no help needed here move along.
We observe another mom from the outside looking in. She looks so put together! Her kids are so well behaved. Her house is immaculate. And on and on and on.
What we don’t see is that mom is so stressed she cried herself to sleep last night. She lost it with her kids. She feels like a failure. And on and on and on.
NONE OF US ARE SUPERMOM
Not one of us is a supermom, we are all mere mortals, not one of use gets it right all the time, not one of us can do it on our own.
We need to kill the stigma that we can’t or shouldn’t ask for help, that we are supposed to know exactly what we are doing at all times, and we can’t make mistakes. Even big mistakes.
New moms feel this the hardest. I know I did. They think they should know everything from the start. The truth is no book, movie, hormone or pamphlet can prepare you to be a mother.
We need to stop being afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know. Too often we think those other moms are judging us when we ask for help but the truth is they are too busy worrying about being judged themselves.
And if that 1 out of 100 woman judges you or makes you feel small when you ask for help, you walk away and love yourself enough to keep asking.
Now instead of comparing yourself to the woman siting next to you, that appears to have it all together, ask her how. She might just have a small piece of wisdom to share. Or maybe she will admit she’s barely holding on and you’ll realize you’ve found a kindred spirit. The image of the perfect woman is just a fantasy.
THE IMAGINARY SUPERMOM
There is this woman I know. She has her own side business, five kids, volunteers in her community weekly and fosters children. Wow right. Standing beside her I felt so small. I imagined her reading Harry Potter to her children every night, their bellies full of a home cooked meal made with fresh vegetables from her garden, her house always clean and organized.
Unconsciously I built up this imaginary woman based on a few encounters and the basic knowledge I had of her. I then proceeded to compare myself to this imaginary woman as if she were real!
How unfair to myself and unfair to her. As women we do this all the time! We label these woman supermom and then we stand next to them. We’ll never measure up. How could we? She doesn’t exist.
Suddenly we’ve painted this woman into a corner where she must never need help, support, or someone to talk to. When in reality she might need you just as much as you need her.
Without even realizing it we have distanced ourselves from the supermom and her from us. Instead of standing together supporting each other we stand alone with a measuring stick.
This woman I came to learn struggles just like me. She doubts herself just like me, she needs help just like me.
We are now good friends, that rely on each other for support, child care, or just a good old vent session. Of course we are better together then alone.
We need to stop trying to be supermom’s, we need to stop putting that pressure on ourselves and others.
Let’s just be moms. Tired, human and imperfect moms trying to be a little better everyday. That is enough. We are enough.
Please share your positive thoughts about being imperfect moms! I love to hear from you!