I’m no stranger to waiting for baby but I’m telling you right now, waiting for baby, doesn’t get any easier. Here I am one week from my fourth child’s due date…waiting…and it’s killing me! It doesn’t help that all three of my boys so far have been one week late! So I’m going to tell you how to survive waiting for baby.
Check out my post on what it was like for me to be induced and questions you need to ask yourself before you induce!
WAITING FOR BABY IS HARD, CAN YOU RELATE?
It’s killer waiting. Especially when everything is ready. The nursery is set up, your postpartum toilette station is ready to go and the hospital bag is staring at you. Can you relate?
I know I’m not the first or the last to be playing the hurry up and wait for baby game. So I’m assuming the reason you are reading this, is you are here too. Going crazy trying to distract and busy yourself.
You go through minutes of the day panicking about how you are going to get a bowling ball out and the next praying it was already happening.
Yep, we women are crazy like that!
If this it is your first you may be experiencing this flip flop second by second. Don’t worry your normal. Fear and joy are strangely intertwined in the whole giving life to another human being experience. And it is okay to feel both of these things in their extremes.
YOUR JUST SO EXCITED!
The excitement and anticipation is driving you crazy! You just want to hold that little one in your arms. You just want to be at the end of the rainbow.
Be excited! Go crazy with excitement because it IS exciting!
But seriously how do you survive the waiting game? Having other kids, work, etcetera helps but what if you don’t have these distractions? Or you don’t have them every hour of the day?
I wish there was just one answer on how to survive waiting for baby. But we all know its different for each of us and different for every minute of the day.
When I have time on my hands to just think I end up scaring myself. Anyone else?
You think about the discomfort/crazy pain, the sleep loss, the toll on your body, keeping up with other kids, keeping the house clean, feeding people when help runs out, breast feeding, how to lose the weight, how to make time for your spouse, I could go on forever. I’m sure you are adding to my list mentally.
This is what we women do. We make lists in our minds that become so overwhelmingly daunting that we can’t breathe.
Anyone else notice that this happens most often at night when you are already exhausted? Don’t even get me started on the added “bonus” of hormones.
Sometimes your so freaked out about everything that you just want to get it over with. Because going over it in your head doesn’t answer all the “what ifs”.
WHAT HELPS ME
But here is what I know helps me.
Preparing to give birth is an emotional cyclone. When I need to cry I go ahead and cry. Blame it on the hormones if you have too. But there is no shame in crying. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or scared. I always feel better after I cry. It’s like letting all the emotions out leaving my head more clear.
The shower is a great place to let it all out. No one will bother you because they can’t hear you, your already wet and you can blame the puffy eyes on your shampoo. Feel free to steal this brilliant life hack.
LOOK AFTER NUMBER ONE
Get your own back. I mean put yourself first. I know this is not your first instinct but it should be. If you don’t get your own back, neither will anyone else. This means saying no to family and friends then so be it. If you need that time away, then get it. We have needs too. Fill your cup first. I’m giving you permission.
HOW TO CHANGE THE USELESS THOUGHTS, USEFUL
When I have overwhelming thoughts about how the heck and I going to deal with all of my family’s needs, the needs of a newborn, the pain and discomfort of giving birth and breast feeding I remind myself that these thoughts are useless!
But we can’t just stop thinking them. You have to change them into useful thoughts.
How you may ask? You break the overwhelming thought down into specific problems and you set up a plan of attack. Write it down if you can!
Example:
How am I going to get my oldest son to school when I’m going to be so tired in the morning and don’t want to pack up a newborn and two other little kids to walk my him to school? Especially if the weather is sour.
Solution:
Step 1 make lunch right after he gets home from school.
Step 2 get him his own alarm clock to wake him up.
Step 3 have neighbor boy meet him outside our gate and walk him to school.
Don’t let your thoughts stay on the “broad topic”, such as the pain. Break it down make a plan. It is the only way your mind will let you move on from those overwhelming thoughts. Trust me!
TALK ABOUT IT
Share your feelings with your spouse, trusted friend or family member. Someone you love and you know loves you no mater what. Be honest about what you need.
Do you need their advice or do you need them to listen. Tell them upfront.
Be prepare for the oh so common and completely unhelpful phrase “it will be fine” or it’s close cousin “don’t worry about it.”
You’ll get a lot of this. You probably already have. “Fine” is such a general and undefined word to begin with. I think I might actually hate this word.
Telling someone they will be fine when they just told you they are not is like telling them to stop talking. Sadly, they probably will and won’t come back a second time.
An analogy I like to use is telling someone “you’re going to be in a car accident tomorrow but don’t’ worry it will be fine.” You are still going to be terrified getting into that car tomorrow. Instead we need to learn to say “what can I do.” Okay tangent over.
But we know everyone is just trying to help. It never hurts to be direct and tell them I just need you to listen to me while I freak out.
You are allowed to freak out by the way. Just because million of women do this every day and have been for thousands of years does not mean you have been doing this everyday for thousands of years. Am I right or am I right?!
Next is my personal favorite. Pray. Maybe you don’t believe in God, that’s okay. But I know I never feel more at peace or calm then when I give my Heavenly Father a call. These is no judgement no mockery of my fears just love. Giving up control to someone who knows what they are doing is so relieving to me.
Waiting is hard. But logically we know it will end. It has to, one way or another that bowling ball will come out. So try to control your thoughts before they control you. Do something for yourself. Gather trusted family and friends around you for support. And just pray. Good luck to me and good luck to you.