This is a very important subject that parents need to discuss with their kids. It’s an uncomfortable subject that many parents just don’t know how to talk about. So here is how to teach your son about pornography plus a step by step guide.
GET YOURSELF INFORMED ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
Culturally, many people do not believe there is harm in casually viewing pornography but the science says differently. fightthenewdrug.org and truthaboutporn.org are excellent resources if you are on the fence about what you believe about porn and what you intend to teach your son about it.
The Truthaboutporn.org is dedicated to providing every study done on the subject of pornography and their results all on one site.
Fightthenewdrug.org is filled with articles, studies and personal experiences on the harmful effects of pornography. Fight The New Drug has put out a three part series that you can watch here for free. It details the scientific research along with personal stories giving a very powerful view on the harmful effects of pornography.
According to recent research viewing pornography negatively impacts the individual, the individual’s relationships and society as a whole.
These negative impacts include mental health issues, body image concerns, relationship conflict, commitment, relationship quality, sexual violence and human sex trafficking. These are just the tip of the iceberg that science is beginning to uncover.
Many parents don’t realize that children as young as 7 years old are being exposed to pornography. You can’t wait until your child is a teenager to talk about pornography, it could be too late.
Young kids are not going in search of pornography, a new study says that almost half of kids say their first exposure to pornography was by accident. The other half say they were pressured into it by peers. Giving kids full access to the internet at young ages is a major culprit.
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR SON ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
The best way is to incorporate the topic of pornography into age appropriate “sex talks.” Take the Positive Parenting Solutions course that includes how to talk about sexual intimacy with your kids here.
These conversations MUST be one-on-one, open, honest, shame-free and age appropriate. A misconception is that the “sex talk” is a one time thing when really it should be ongoing and progress with the age of your child. The same goes for the subject of pornography.
A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO TEACH YOUR SON ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
Good Pictures Bad Pictures by Kristen A Jenson and Debbie Fox is a book that parents read aloud with their children to introduce the topic of pornography and how to handle it. Kristen A Jenson is the founder of Protect Young Minds and serves on the Prevention Task Force of the National Coalition on Sexual Exploitation.
Good Pictures Bad Pictures includes “The 5-point CAN DO Plan” that teaches kids what to do when they encounter pornography. For kids aged 3-7 there is a Good Pictures Bad Pictures Junior addition available.
These books are excellent resources catering directly to families and is the #1 Best Seller in Sexual Health Recovery.
I love this book and think it is an amazingly well thought out. Every point is driven home in a gentle and understandable way. This is a must have in my opinion.
GUIDE TO AGE APPROPRIATE CONVERSATIONS
Here is an a guide to age appropriate conversations that incorporate the Good Pictures Bad Pictures book.
0-3 YEARS OLD – Teach proper names of anatomy. Who can and cannot change your child’s diaper and bathe them.
3-5 YEARS OLD – Encourage modesty and talking appropriately about our bodies. Introduce Good Pictures Bad Pictures Junior.
5-8 YEARS OLD – Teach basic anatomy of sexual intercourse, when, where and with who it is appropriate. Reread Good Pictures Bad pictures Junior and introduce Good Pictures Bad Pictures for older children.
8-10 YEARS OLD – Explain the basics of sexual abuse topics. Reinforce boundaries and self-esteem. Reinforce your beliefs about marriage, sexuality, abortion etc. Reread Good Pictures Bad Pictures
10-12 YEARS OLD – Explain what makes a healthy relationship, respect for others and their bodies. Continue to reinforce self-esteem and appropriate media.
13-18 YEARS OLD – Teach family values about dating and interacting with peers and appropriate uses of media.
BEING A MOM MYSELF
Being a mother of 4 boys I’m very aware of the virtual and pornographic world my boys are growing up in. What used to take some effort to find now only takes a few clicks or a drive down a highway.
That is why I’m determined to arm myself and my children with the correct information about pornography and it’s effects on individuals, families and society.
I’ve already used the above resources to teach myself and my sons about pornography. They have already started the good habit of verbally recognizing pornography, looking away and telling me or dad.
Right now this is mostly happening while shopping or driving down the road but I know they are wiring their brains for when the real tests come.
I want to set my sons up for healthy relationships in the future and that starts in our home.
I hope you feel empowered with the tools to teach your son about pornography. Please comment and share your resources with us!
Check out my article about becoming a positive parent here to help too!